Life is messy... and wow did mine take a wild dip in the finger paints.
I doubt anyone was actually tracking this blog since it never really got off the ground, but I hate when someone leaves you wondering about the ending when you've been reading along. Anyway, in January of this year my life pretty much imploded in the most drastic of ways, and life as I knew it took a 360. I was much too distracted, and honestly just flat out depressed, to give training the respect and dedication it required. If I couldn't put in 100 percent it wasn't worth the turmoil/worry to what I was already going through.
So, as hard as it was... I knew I had to put off the dream.
It was a rough decision since the money had long been paid, but more so just emotionally because I have so much invested. So many years. So many training hours. And... here I am stuck at 95 percent accomplished. It's hard emotionally to feel like I haven't finished out what I started. Mentally though I recognize I've done way more then most people will ever attempt. It still feels so open ended though.
I'm not embarrassed. I'll happily tell anyone who's interested how I made it to mile 23 or whatever of the marathon in two separate hilly Ironmans. I'll also tell them about my "blazing" (cough) 6+ hour Marathon finish at the Chicago marathon. When you've come from where I started, it's nothing short of awesome to even be able to have stories like this to tell.
I don't know where I am going, but I do hope to eventually finish up this bad-boy. It just wasn't meant to be this year and I'm way too deconditioned to even think about next year. For now I need to focus on starting to get back in shape and losing some of the weight I added while I wallowed earlier this year in my own misfortune. If and when I do sign up for Ironman again I need to focus more on my running.
Honestly I have no clue now where my life is headed in general though.
For now (fitness wise) I'll settle for a fall 5k. I'll be doing the Monster Dash in Chicago. I'll probably have to walk/jog, but at least I'm still out there chugging along. My new apartment has amazing access to the lakefront path, so I have no excuse not to get out there and enjoy all the awesomeness that Chicago has to offer.
